Sometimes inspiration comes at the most inopportune
time-11:55 pm on a long Sunday night, is not my prime time to sit and type, and
yet here I am-the bug has hit and I have to get out these ramblings before rest
will find me tonight!
Confession # 4: I’ve been in a desert! One of those long
lonely patches. Where God is distant, my faith is weak and I am walking this
journey by simply putting “one foot in front of the other” (Pastor Rich often
uses this analogy-this is the way we follow Jesus), day in day out, marching it
out. This patch is marked by a very real lack of emotion and so I rely
completely on devotion. I know in my head what I am to do-love Jesus and so I
do-but where-where is my heart?
Desert walking is not something new to me-I have been here
before-but on this trip I have been contemplating the meaning of love! I love
my husband-“tremendously” as he says-I love my children-in an unearthly way
that I am certain is a divine spring supply. I love my Jesus! How are these
loves so different and so the same? How in these loves do I find the reflection
of God The Father? I ponder.
In this contemplation I study the “love chapter” in I
Corinthians chapter 13:4-8 (NIV):
Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not
rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always
perseveres. Love never fails.
Whoa-this time, these words ring out almost audibly as I
read them “it keeps no records of wrongs”, I have read this chapter more times
in my almost 40 years than I can count!! This very passage was recited by my
dear friend in my wedding! HOW has this insight eluded me before? I feel a deep
twinge of failure as I realize how HUGELY I have missed the mark on this
instruction! Conviction-that bitter sweet visiting of the Holy
Spirit-whispering to me that I need to do better in the way I love, and show
Jesus’ love!
I am humbled at The Almighty’s insistence that when he
forgives my sins he throws them “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm
103:12 NIV) and He forgets them! How does He do that? In my feeble humanity, I
am so bound by this meager body and mind that I can only forgive-I cannot
forget! And so I am baffled. How am I to do it-how am I to keep no records of
wrongs? How am I to forget the hurt feelings, the grumbly uglies (those little
snide remarks made by people we encounter that cut to the quick)?
And then I am reminded-this isn’t about me-me forgiving-me
forgetting-it is about me relying on Jesus. Jesus is love. So I have to rely on
Jesus to help me forgive, and rely on Jesus to help me forget and rely on Jesus
to help me move past all the grumbly uglies out there in the world that will
inevitably pop up and make me feel so unworthy. Jesus. So where is Jesus
reflected in me? Jesus is love. When I love people, I Jesus them. Literally.
Jesus-give me strength for this desert journey! Give me
wisdom and grace to always see you-even when I don’t feel you! Jesus-help me
love! Help me love my husband, children, family, friends, church, and community
so that when I do- they see you!
But I tell you: Love your enemies and
pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in
heaven.
Matthew 5:44-45
If you love those who love you, what
credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them.
Luke 6:32 (NIV)
And so we know and rely on the love
God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him.
I John 4:16 (NIV)
Above all, love each other deeply,
because love covers over a multitude of sins.
I Peter 4:8 (NIV)
